Relationship Checkup
By Sandra Siemens L.I.S.W.
Most adults engage in long-term relationships, including marriage and other committed partnerships. Nearly everyone experiences difficulties in their marriage or committed relationship from time to time, but some people seem more prepared to anticipate these hard times and respond to them more skillfully than others.
The Relationship Checkup is a list of 11 points that will help you evaluate your relationship. These points are based on recent research completed separately by psychologists Judith Wallerstein and John Gottman. Print this page and check off the statements that apply to your relationship. You will quickly gain a sense of the strengths and the opportunities for improvement.
1. People in successful, long-lasting relationships invested themselves fully in the relationship. While they have positive relationships with their parents, siblings, and other relatives, they are not overly involved with them. The following are some signs that your family may be too involved in your life. This can create problems in your relationship over time.
Your family members visit too often or stay too long.
They telephone frequently.
They give unsolicited advice.
They drop in unannounced.
2. People in successful relationships have their own identity as a couple. There is a feeling of both togetherness and independence in the relationship. If you have not fully developed your sense of identity as a couple, you will recognize signs like these:
You are sometimes disloyal toward each other.
You don’t listen carefully to each other.
You don’t know very much about each other’s pasts.
You ignore each other’s moods and body language.
You keep your thoughts and feelings to yourselves.
You sometimes invade each other’s private space.
Even though you may live in the same house, it sometimes seems like you are living parallel lives.
3. Bringing children into a relationship changes it radically. Couples with children learn to successfully integrate them into their relationship. The following signs indicate that you have not fully integrated children into your relationship:
You resent the times when you must put your child’s needs ahead of your own.
You are overly focused on your child.
You have lost touch with each other emotionally.
You hardly ever find time to be alone with your partner.
Relationship Checkup Cont...