How to Have More Self-Esteem

By: Kimber Weckel L.M.S.W.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem literally means to esteem, or respect, yourself. Having high self-esteem means that you have a positive image of yourself. Let’s look at where such a positive self-image comes from.

In her classic book Celebrate Yourself, Dorothy Corkville Briggs makes a distinction between the real you and your self-image. She says that the real you is unique and unchanging. Most of your self-image—what you think is true about yourself—is learned. It is not necessarily accurate at all!

Where are your beliefs about yourself drawn from? Where did you learn them? If you think about it, you’ll see that they came from:

• What others said about you
• What others told you
• What others did to you

Your self-image is the result of all the messages you heard about yourself as a child. These messages added up to a set of beliefs about who you are. It may have nothing to do with who you really are.

For example, you may believe things like:

• I’m not very smart.
• I’m naturally passive.
• Girls aren’t any good at math.
• I’m too old to start over.
• All of the women in the Breski family become doctors.
• I’m painfully shy.
• The Hurleys never lie.

In addition to learning to believe certain things during our early years, there are certain situations that make most people feel inferior or lacking in self-esteem.

Some examples are:

• Being criticized
• Not being loved
• Being rejected
• Experiencing failure

What Low Self-Esteem Feels Like...