How to Be Less of a Perfectionist and Enjoy Life More

By: Lori Pedersen L.M.S.W.

Create a Support Network for Yourself

Seek out people who are not perfectionists. Encourage your support network to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts to keep you on an honest course. Look for people who forgive and forget when mistakes, failures, offenses, or backsliding occur. Ask them to tell you when they think you are being rigid, unrealistic, or idealistic in your behavior. Ask them to give you positive reinforcement for any positive change, no matter how small. Seek out people who have a sincere interest in your personal growth.

Do Some Self-Exploration

Explore the following questions in your journal, make some notes here, or discuss them with a trusted friend or professional counselor:

1. Where do you see perfectionist behavior in your life?
2. How do these behaviors create problems for you?
3. What perfectionist beliefs do you have?
4. How do you think these beliefs will affect your ability to change your behavior?
5. What do you need to do to become less of a perfectionist and more relaxed about things?
6. How can you use your support system to help yourself be less of a perfectionist?

Identify Alternative Behaviors

Make a list of specific perfectionist behaviors that you want to change. For each one, think of something specific you could do instead. For example:

• Perfectionist behavior: I expect my teenage daughter to pick up the clothes off her floor and make her bed every day.
• Alternative behavior: I can expect my daughter to clean her room every Saturday and I will close her door every other day.

Note your own examples here:  

Perfectionist behaviors:  

Alternative behaviors: